No Magic
by ALilyPea
Summary: Merlin, sick of keeping secrets decides that since he can't tell Arthur about his magic he'll simply stop using it, because if he doesn't use it he no longer has to lie. Written for KMM.


iHe's a good man/i Merlin had told more than one person when it came to Arthur, yet he couldn't help but wonder if there was something deep down inside of him that didn't believe it, despite the fact that he loved Arthur. He loved Arthur and was loved by Arthur but didn't know…didn't know how deep that love went because he'd never be able to tell Arthur the truth.

iMagic/i It was what made up his entire being, his entire existence seemed to be wrapped up in it and there was nothing he could do about it. He kept the secret, held it close like another lover and hoped Arthur wouldn't find out.

He knew that Arthur cared for him, possibly more than he cared for most people, even his Knights but less than he cared for Uther. And that was precisely the reason why he couldn't tell Arthur about his magic.

It was Arthur's love of his father that made Merlin nervous, that and how readily he had seen Arthur at times arrest sorcerers to be taken to his father's brand of justice.

Would Arthur do the same if he were King? Merlin didn't know, and had been so fearful of the answer that he'd never even asked. He couldn't bring himself to just in case the answer was a resounding byes/b.

So he kept quiet, and kept Arthur as safe as he could whilst using his magic and feeling as though every day would be the last day he lived.

It was after one such incident, when Merlin had killed a beast meant for Arthur and the Prince had crested over the hill the minute the spell had finished that Merlin realized something had to go.

That something would have to be his magic.

So Merlin stopped using it. He scrubbed Arthur's clothing by hand, and washed his sheets by hand. It was hard but he could do it.

"Your hands are all red," Arthur said one evening, capturing one of Merlin's long fingered hands in his own and gently rubbed his thumb over the back of Merlin's hand. "What have you been doing?" he asked, arching an eyebrow as a smirk lit up his face.

"Chores," Merlin responded, disgruntled as he slipped his hand away from Arthur's. "I have to polish your armor now."

"Come now Merlin," Arthur cajoled, wrapping one arm around Merlin's waist and pulling him in close, dropping teasing open-mouthed kisses on his manservant's neck. "Don't you want to polish something else?"

"Arthur," Merlin laughed, squirming out of his grip, feeling as though pinpricks were dancing along his skin. "No. Not right now, I've barely done the sheets and your clothing, I still have to do your armor, and cure that parchment you wanted done and brush the horses."

"You never used to take this long, honestly Merlin, I knew you could be a bit…slow, but I never thought you were this bad," Arthur responded, mocking him.

Merlin tried not to be hurt, knowing that Arthur was just frustrated he shrugged his shoulders. "Some things take longer than others," he said before he turned and left the room.

He dropped the bucket for Arthur's bath the next day, soon after having left the kitchen with it and the shock of hot water splashing over his skin and soaking into the material of his tunic had caused him to cry out, scalding his hands and arms.

"Oh no Merlin, are you okay?" Gwen asked, rushing over to him.

Merlin clenched his jaw, his teeth grinding together and his breathing ragged as he fought the pain. "Will you…have someone…see to Arthur's bath?" he questioned, managing a tight smile as he made his way up the stairs.

His magic curled within him and he stamped it down, only intensifying his own pain as he did so. It wanted to help him, wanted to heal the skin that seemed to be threatening to blister.

Merlin practically stumbled to Gaius' dismayed to find him gone once he'd gotten there, and hunched down on the bench, fighting back the lump in his throat and the tears in his eyes.

"Merlin honestly," Arthur said a moment later, abruptly entering the room. "Sending some page to do your job just because you're an-what happened?" he cut himself off, walking over quickly.

"Bathwater," Merlin bit out, teeth gritted still as another wave of pain hit him.

Arthur nodded and quickly began divesting Merlin of his shirt, tossing it to the ground once he'd done so he approached Gaius' shelves, observing the labels and pulling a jar down. "Hold out your arms," he instructed.

Merlin resisted, not wanting to deal with more pain. "I'll be fine."

"You will be, if you hold out your arms," Arthur said in a firm tone and opened the jar, dipping his fingers in he took Merlin's wrist in his other hand and smoothed the ointment over the reddened skin.

Merlin breathed a sigh of relief, as the burn seemed to cool and closed his eyes as Arthur tended to him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Arthur responded. "You've not been this clumsy in a while."

Shrugging Merlin ducked his head, letting out a sigh as he did so.

"Don't do that," Arthur snapped, and then seemed to pause to gather himself. "If something has happened, if I have done something in some way."

"No," Merlin burst out. "Nothing's happened, nothing's going on. I guess I am just…"

"What?" Arthur asked him, peering down into his eyes, concern visible. "Is it the change in our partnership?"

Merlin shook his head, and allowed himself to smile. "No, of course not."

Arthur nodded his head and finished smoothing the ointment over both his arms before he pressed his lips solidly to Merlin's as though he was testing him.

Immediately surrendering to the kiss Merlin pressed his lips back against Arthur's enjoying the smooth warmth of them, and even deepened it, sliding his tongue along the Prince's bottom lip before he went about exploring. He lifted one hand to Arthur's shoulder; gripping tightly he hissed softly, the pressure on his hand causing him pain.

Arthur pulled away, and smiled in a satisfied way, jerking his head in a nod. "Take a day to yourself, be careful and no more hurting yourself. If you wish it come to my rooms this evening."

"Of course," Merlin nodded his head. "I'll be there."

Merlin had intended on going, he really had. He had no intention of avoiding Arthur, not really, especially when considered that he was giving up magic for his lover. If he had no magic he wouldn't have to lie, and if he didn't have to lie their relationship wouldn't feel so dishonest even though they still had to hide it.

The pain had been too intense that night though; the scalded spots on his skin seeming to pulse as he refused to allow his magic heal them. It raged inside him, like an animal rattling in its cage, practically pacing back and forth, filling him and then receding once again. His skin felt as though someone was scraping it with his or her nails, and in a way that no one would consider pleasurable.

When he went to Arthur the next morning, carrying the breakfast tray he squawked as he was forced into a chair and glanced up at Arthur's angry and worried face.

"You didn't come last night," Arthur said after a moment of silence. "You've never ignored me since we started this…liaison."

"I'm sorry Sire," Merlin murmured in a soft voice.

"Sire? Are you…I…Merlin," Arthur seemed to have settled on exasperation. "Why didn't you come to me last night?"

"I wasn't well," Merlin responded. "I'm sorry I didn't come but I wasn't well," he told Arthur and smiled just a bit, every muscle in his body seeming to ache as he spilled the half-lie.

"You weren't well? And you didn't think to send notice?" Arthur demanded, seeming to get angrier by the second. "You're hiding something from me, and I don't like it."

"I'm not," Merlin shook his head. "I promise I'm not."

"Don't lie to me Merlin, just don't," Arthur responded. "Do you think I've not been able to see them? The lies, they show in your face."

Merlin flinched a bit and closed his eyes as his magic surged in him, angry and wanting out. It was just as though it were a living being inside of him, its hands gripping his insides and tearing, demanding freedom. He doubled over, clenching his stomach as he felt ill, nausea crashing in on him.

"Merlin," Arthur sounded even more worried now, even as he guided Merlin out of the chair and to the bed, shoving him down on it gently. "Rest, but don't expect to get out of it."

Closing his eyes tightly as pain whirled in him Merlin curled around one of Arthur's pillows as the pain seemed to spread throughout his body. "You don't have to look after me," he muttered.

Arthur laughed softly, and nodded his head. "Oh really? I wasn't aware."

Merlin just curled up a bit tighter, "just leave me." He opened one eye and looked at Arthur, cringing at the look on his face.

"What are you hiding? Why are you so sick? Do I need to get Gaius?" Arthur questioned him.

"Nothing, I don't know and no," Merlin responded, knowing that if Gaius heard what he was attempting to do he would either force Merlin to keep on doing it out of some inane urge to protect him or curse him for being idiotic.

"Stop lying," Arthur growled in frustration, grasping Merlin's chin with his hand and forcing him to look him in the eye.

"I'm fine," Merlin insisted, even as tremors took him.

Arthur let him go and shook his head, pacing back and forth. He turned suddenly and pinned Merlin with a glare, "have you been taking potions?"

"No," Merlin shook his head, "what?"

"Well the shaking, the pain, the headaches, and the sun does not seem good to you and you've clearly not slept. I once knew a knight who became addicted to potions and when he stopped, he looked about as bad as you do right now," Arthur said.

"I have not been taking potions," Merlin insisted, gritting his teeth.

"Fine not potions but you're addicted to something," Arthur snapped. "What have you been doing? What are you hiding from me? What could be so terri-" He dropped off, his eyes widening almost comically.

Merlin clamped his eyes shut and when he opened them Arthur looked even more stunned.

"You idiot," Arthur murmured, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "How long?"

"Since I was born," Merlin confessed, feeling as though he had nothing left to try and hide. Despite his moments of idiocy Arthur was intelligent when it came down to it.

"Since you were…That's impossible," Arthur told him, scoffing.

"Oh and you would know so much about it?" Merlin asked him, feeling a bit breathless. He would be killed, he was certain.

"No," Arthur answered, looking almost sheepish. "So what is doing this to you? How do you fix it?"

"I stopped," Merlin explained.

"Why?" Arthur frowned looking puzzled by the thought.

"I couldn't lie anymore, the secret," Merlin bit his bottom lip and sighed a moment later.

"Your solution for this was to just stop?" Arthur demanded, and shook his head, looking amazed. "I don't even possess that and already I can tell that that is one of the stupidest ideas you have ever had."

Merlin shrugged one shoulder. "What happens now?"

"You could try not being a fool," Arthur responded. "Why would you hide this from me? Have you ensnared me in some way?"

Merlin shoved himself up, "I wouldn't."

Arthur smiled at him, "I didn't think you would, you're too good."

"I thought I would be executed," Merlin said, glancing at him. "Magic is outlawed here."

"Oh really Merlin? I hadn't noticed, and I suppose it never even occurred to you that I care for you, possibly even love you and therefore would not let my father cut off your head. It wouldn't occur to you that I would help protect you," Arthur shook his head.

Merlin looked over at him, and smiled brightly, his magic singing as he released it and slumped into Arthur, the fire lighting. He kissed Arthur deeply, tongue sliding into the Prince's mouth he explored leisurely, moaning.

Arthur returned the kiss; flipping them so Merlin was on his back he grasped Merlin's wrists and pressed them to the mattress. "Do not lie to me again," he said firmly. "Also where is the door?"

Merlin glanced over at the door, or rather where the door used to be which now seemed to be covered by brick wall. "It will return."

"Yes, that's all very well and good but when?" Arthur asked him even as he dropped soft kisses on Merlin's exposed throat.

"When myself and my magic are finished with you," Merlin said simply.

"Very well," Arthur nodded his head, "we will be talking about this later you know."

"Yes of course later," Merlin nodded his head.

"Much later."

The End.


End file.
